Say Fuck Life's Journal

4:18pm: Richmond August 20th
Went to a global affairs future young leader's conference/retreat this weekend in Richmond. Everyone was pretty intelligent (which was cool) and really friedly (my self included), I guess b/c everyone was less afraid of intimidating people or maybe dealing with threatened/intimidated personalities that compensate by being "cool." Met a few really intelligent kids (Monty McGee, Ray something, Elliot this nice-guy black kid with a great poster/tv face who comes from the campaign side of politics, and a few others.) I def wasn't the single most intelligent or well-informed person in the 50-60 person group but that was cool - I didn't do a lot of talking. I liked the speakers, and the way everyone attacked the speaker with indepth informed questions was great. There was also a lot of extended conversation about broad topics like "we need to learn from the past" "people need to become more informed" (lots of conversation about general problems but not a ton of information exchange or new ideas developed/discussed) yadda yadda yadda which got old and kept my mind wandering to what would be happening after each day's wrap-up. What I did have a blast doing was chilling around Richmond all weekend. A big Verbal Assault/Municpal Waste show at Alley Katz was a rad sight with 40something yr old 3rd rate 80's Cali punk band Verbal Assault looking like a bunch of wash up junkies and W.T. Dads be more punk than any modern day acts. That is, with exception to maybe Municipal Waste who may not have been as genuinely "punk" or whatever but definately brought the hometown backyard free-for-all party to the stage complete with the entire catalog of Best Friend's Day Scavenger hunt items contanstly flying over the crowd. As they played a flurry of inflatable pool rafts, stuffed animals, orange constuction cones, bottles, beer, etc etc and a genuine inflatable river raft flew overhead, sucessfully obscuring view of the stage and making dancing a 2nd priority. Mark from Richmond stage dove and essentially got jumped by some dipshit out-of-town crustpunk fag. I didn't realize the fight had included him until I saw him crooked-nosed, scratched and covered in his own blood outside. He was okay and it was lame b/c no one was really sucessful in finding out who did it and settling it up, but it was funny seeing him in that state (wasted to boot), telling certain people he just wanted to talk to the guy, then repeating the same sentence the minute they left, only this time replacing the second half with "beat the fuck out of him." Either funny b/c he was seriously manipulating people into finding the kid or b/c I'm sure not whether he realized he was expressing completely opposite desires minutes apart. Anyway, the truely dark humor in that moment was that between these conflicting statements he was telling me about his new job as a elementary youth emotional counselor! Hah, sounds fucked up, but Mark is seriously a great dude... still fuckin funny though.

I don't mean to undercut the momentum/climax of this story, but I have to talk about the fucking rad ropeswing we rocked last night. It hangs from some trail tressels of the James River in the heart of the city. When we arrived there there were already 5 of 6 kids there doing their thing. We had fun but the younger locals eventually broke out their tried and true tricks including swinging essentially from the tracks (yes! fucking high) complete with backflip dismounts and multi-person swings. Not to be upstaged by themselves a few people went into full on naked backflips off the nealy-tressel-high foundations. Pretty fucking tight. Richmond ain't the shit, but it delivers on fun weekend hang outs.

R.I.P. graffitied/bombed-out Abandoned Iron Works. Found it mostly scrubbed out and in the process of total renovation. Fucking sucks. Lame white culture parasites...

1:22am: Here we go...
Our mortality/short lives assures that lessons learned will be lost, and everything will forever ebb and flow. We've forgetten how good we have it, and now we will learn, in order to educate the less experienced and insightful among us. At least it's a reason to fight. "To fight, a reason to live." I guess. Here we go again...

3:01am: I miss old LJ

2:55am: deeply immersed in school
*INHALE* jump back in...

3:38am: gay
LJ eats my asshole now

1:21am: Personal Penis/Sex related - skip if easily grossed out
This summer I relived two things from my childhood and early adolescense that I thought I'd left there. Namely, I zipped my ween/shaft up in my zipper, and I had a wet dream 6 days into an extended-family vacation. The zipper thing sucked, but really it was funny and even sort of nostalgic (in a fucked up way, I guess). The wet dream was the shit actually. I think I only had one or two when I was younger, but if you haven't had one in a while I definately suggest keeping your hands free for nearly a week and checking it out. Waking up mid-orgasm effortlessly can give you a whole new outlook on the day. The fact that you don't do anything makes it feel like you're half-getting laid too.

10:58am: Dogs suck
Last night while returning from the gym with Sean and Little Rob we happened upon a stray dog. The little girl was friendly and we scooped her up, took her to my house, and started hatching plans to reunite it with it's owner or find it a new home. We took the little guy to meet my parents, and a few friend's houses. I started to warm up to the pup, but around 1am I let it out (unleashed) to test it's loyalty. After about 5 minutes of following and catching the thing I reconcilled that dogs really just suck. Naturally obediant dogs are nice, and outdoor/self sufficent cats are great, but who needs a 2 1/2 yr old kid their whole life. This is essentially what you're getting with the run-away, ultra-demanding, stupid dog. I dare all dog lovers to look deep into their souls, and confont the broken-down-house-wife and cry-for-help-suicide-commiter within, that drives them to seek out the unfounded affection of a wandering, bumbling, vacant shitmaker.

1:41am: legal tender
Can I have a girlfriend? Can 1000 bucks fall into my lap?

1:38am: I am going to work tomorrow after skipping last week and some.

1:43pm: God, if you can, please pass along a 40GB iPod to me. I don't have a job, or any money, and I've put off getting one for a while, but I will really really need one soon. I hope you can help me out, thanksa AHMEN

8:40pm: I'm so fucking frustrated right now

8:53pm: jobs
happy hour is so gay

1:34pm: I skipped work today! Yessss!!!!!

10:18am: hahahahaha

greatfuckit's LJ stalker is suckadick!

suckadick is stalking you because they think you are the one who made anonymous abusive LJ comments. They are also eating your food when you aren't looking!

12:27am: New job & Co-worker relations
My new job is alright. The worst part is the fucking clothes. I look feel like a clown/fraud in my young-professional imposter get-up. It's an arsenal of past christmas clothes, borrowed ties, and shoes. Obviously, if this is my main complaint then it's not that bad.

There's a story in here worth reading, so stick around!...

I like some of my new co-workers, and could do without some others. I can never really get down with people I work with. I can never decide whether I'm being closed mindeded and eleteist, or afraid to step outside my social circle. Sometimes I think it's the latter, like earlier last semester. I thought this guy from class, whom I'd had another class with previously, seemed pretty cool. Kind of a sharp guy, music fan, and sincere seeming. So I decided to pair up with him after class to work on project together.

I wrote off his initial nervous behavour as the typical get-to-know-someone-new uncomfortableness. Then he reluctantly started telling me how he moved here from Vermont, and met his current girlfriend at the strip club she danced at. How he does/did 8 balls of coke with her and her friends, and they all fuck eachother all night. For his birthday she got him a hotel room in Atlantic City, and invited his friends to watch her fuck her friends. With a little help from him, and whichever guys the girls felt like allowing to pitch in.

Another girl I worked with at Big Bowl seemed really cool. She was 24, 25 or something, down to earth, well cultured and traveled, smart, and generally really interesting. She was waiting tables after college while looking for a job with the EPA. Almost a year after working together I ran into her at a dance night, and she confessed she'd wanted to hook up the whole time we worked together. I never ran into her again, but I did see her best friend of nearly 15 years, months later. She told me that our friend had developed a massive coke habit, was turning tricks off the internet in her living room while she lived on the couch, then stole her bank card, withdrew $500, and fled/moved to London.

I give myself grief and feel like an asshole sometimes for distancing myself from people I work with. Especially because I might be closing my mind and myself from some incredible people. Then again sometimes my philosphy about co-workers is proven TOTALLY right! I don't think my policy of estranging myself from my co-workers is nice or healthy. I did however just now recognize the parrallels in each of these stories. So maybe I should just carefully examine anyone who seems interesting, and consider how likely it is that they're just a cokehead.

3:01pm: Confession
It's funny. When you're young, you look at this shit, and it seems so daunting. You can hardly imagine yourself ever being interested. Then you start growing up a little bit, and get curious. Sometimes you've got personal unspoken motives that only this kind of bag can address.

I first started experimenting when I was 15. Some friends and I tried some minor league stuff. God, at the time it seemed like that was as serious as it could get. But a few years later, I could look back, and what I had previously considered huge was now just a casual aftertough.

When I got to College I delved in a little deeper. This was my best experience with it, and at the time it taught me a lot and helped me out. School started to end though, and what did I have left? This bigger need, and a more casual attitude towards it than ever before.

Six or Seven years later I can look back and see very clearly the path that lead me here. Growing up I thought "No way would I ever get involved that kind of serious shit." That white shit doesn't look expecially healthy for anyone, you know? I'm not talking about coke for the record. This has more destructive potential than that. But anyway, now here I am and I don't know if I can ever walk away from it..

I've got some other friends doing it, and I can already tell its got it hooks in us. This fucking shit is just addictive. You should see the bizarre hours we keep, what its done to our appearance, and the state of the people we deal with. Sometimes it feels like I'm walking amongst the living dead.

But I'm different, I swear. It may look like I'm wading through a sea of pasionless hollow vessels, but there's no other way I can go about getting what I need without sharing their sad world.

Some of you may not understand. You might look at what it seems like on the surface, and hate me. But anyone who knows me well has probably always seen this coming. I could be wrong, maybe things will change. The truth is that I know this could do terrible things to me, but I've got to check this out and explore it. You just can't turn away from some things once you've started them. So to anyone who doens't understand, I'm sorry.





First White Collar (sort of) Office Job
Campaign for America's Future
born: June 1, 2004.

1:48am: Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died / I miss 'em--they died

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others,
And I salute you brother/ This song is for you my brother

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Herbie pushed Tony from the Boys' Club roof
Tony thought that his rage was just some goof
But Herbie sure gave Tony some bitchen proof
"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"
But Tony couldn't fly . . . Tony died

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Brian got busted on a narco rap
He beat the rap by rattin' on some bikers
He said, hey, I know it's dangerous,
but it sure beats Riker's
But the next day he got offed
by the very same bikers

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

The day after I wrote the previous post I found out one of those childhood friends died. I miss you and I wish I had seen you before you died. Sorry dude. I'll see you soon

3:51am: blast from the past-old friends
teenager/preteeen years are crazy. I can't believe I was so out of my mind and completely unaware of it

1:06am: DC, why are you just like, a little bitch sometimes?
I had loose plans to spend the summer in new york, but everything became unexpectedly complicated by some flakey idiot rich brats, so I will be staying in D.C. The internship I'm getting will be pretty killer though. I was just so excited about living where EVERYONE is trying to hang out and knows how to make a good time, but it'll have to wait. On the upside, I might get to work a cool second mini-dream job too. I'll probably be living in the city also... le sigh, a little.

2:02am: I think my life is about to kick into gear

2:01pm: hardharted: Lacking in feeling or compassion; pitiless and cold.
NUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.


these zodiac predictions are usually pretty dead on except for neat & organized. maybe that'll come with age. everyone else's descriptions are pretty right on too!


FYI - BBQ @ Rob's house in Springfield tonight. Everyone's invited of course. call he or I about it. (571) 276-6137, (703) 200-5034

9:30pm: Damon's wet dream....
I joy rode 4 new Jeep Cherokees around Mason today. There's a car show this weekend, and they left all the keys in their ignitions. They didn't even notice. Why don't I know any career criminals anymore?

12:52pm: check out my haiku

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	greatfuckit
Your haiku:	i guess they do though getting shot and dying of aids and sing their hearts out
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	greatfuckit
Your haiku:	the mixed crowd at the party got worked up in my mouth and spraying
Username:
Created by Grahame

1:46am: macrock is mostly a 2 day exercise faggotry
watching people dull themselves by trying to become cool is counter-effective, lame, sad, and depressing.. uuuck

3:01pm: the news doesn't really give a shit about anyone